Letter Annie to her son.

Son,

If you are reading this, it means that you are old enough to know. I am not sure of where to start. This is important & I need you to try to understand it’s hard for me to talk about this, but you have to know. I never told you what happened after I went to the games. Honey, you have to understand, it was my like at risk, & I never intended to kill anyone. But sometimes the desire to live is so strong it can make you do things you never thought you were capable of. The time I spent trapped in the arena was the worst nightmare. And when I heard them announcing me as a victor, I thought it was all over. Was I wrong! The nightmare was just starting. I couldn't sleep, remembering all of what happened in there. At the beginning I thought it was just temporary. Then the hallucinations began. I would faint and wake up to see your father starting at me, scared, as if I was crazy. It didn't took me long to figure out that I really was. My mind could not handle it. It was simply too much for me. And I was weak. The only way to stay sane was to lose my mind. And so I broke. I had awful memories, vivid memories of the arena and all the ravishing things that happened there. Reliving the hell I went through over and over again. Then I would just wake up as if nothing had happened. Frightened and sobbing. I started to pretend that I couldn't remember what happened. I tried to continue living. Found a way to keep up with the nightmares. Knowing that every time that I woke your father was going to be there to hold me. He was the strength I lacked. My condition started to became bearable. And then he was taken.... Forced to go back into that terrifying place. I started to get worst. My hallucinations were more frequent and there was no one to protect me this time. Slowly I succumbed and fell into obviation. I can't remember how or when I was taken prisoner of the Capitol. I know it because you father told me. But I was so immersed on my surreal world that I had no conscience about reality. One day I head that voice. The only voice able to bring me back from down under, it was your dad. He was alive. I started to get better. But we were on a rebellion and we both knew that when the time came, he would have to leave. Finally the moment came, and so he left, and I hated him for being brave. Yet I was so proud. This time he left, but he did not come back. I.... He fought till the end. I am so proud and... Oh sweetie, if you only had met him. If... I'm sorry... it just hurts so much. I got really sick after your father died.... I was afraid I might lose you too...My baby boy.... the thought of losing you too was so unbearable that it gave me the strength I needed. You became my new shelter. I know there are times where I lock myself up in my room. But I just don't want to be afraid of me. I don't want you to see me frenetic and crazy. I can't....But I want to promise you that I will be ok. I'll get well for you. I don't want to be that crazy mother I've been for so long. Not anymore. I pro..... NO! No... Please no! Go away!!! Leave me alone!! GO!!! STOP!!!....................

Forgive me son...

I love you.

-Mom.

Back Together (Part I)

There are people all around me. Congratulating and hugging me. They keep talking about how impressive I was, about the cleverness that kept me alive. I stop listening after a while. I don’t care about them. All I want to do is forget, I want to go home. I feel my mind heavy. I guess it’s just the exhaustion of this whole week. I look around trying to find Finnick but I can’t see him anywhere. I start to get worried. I start shouting out for him, but there is so much people surrounding me. They all want to talk to me! They all want to greet and congratulate me, and all I want to do is run. It is all so overwhelming. I’m feeling dizzy. Everything is turning black and I can feel my legs failing me. I know I’m going to faint.

-          Annie!

I hear his voice calling. I fight the blackness and try to find him, but its helpless I’m already falling.

-          My God! Annie!

I can see him rushing through the crowd towards me. He is here. I’m going to be ok. He locks his eyes on mine and I surrender to darkness.

Beep….Beep….Beep

It’s a strange sound what wakes me up. What is it? I don’t want to open my eyes; I’m so tired I just want to sleep. Beep….Beep….Beep. That noise! I won’t be able to sleep with that “beep” thing going off every second. I open my eyes and a white light makes me squint. Where am I? What’s this? It takes me a while to get used to the strange light. I start looking around, am I at a hospital?

-          Finnick

His name flashes through my mind and I panic. I start looking for him. I can see a door right next to the window. I try to get up but I can’t I’m tied to the bed.  What is going on!

Beep..Beep..Beep..Beep

The sound is going faster and faster as I keep battling against my ties.

-          Help!

I try to scream but no sound comes out. I’m scared.

-          Finnick! Help! Help!

A whisper is all I can manage. I can feel the fear spreading, it’s taking over me, just like before.

-          No, no! Please! Someone!

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I feel the tears streaming down my face. I start to sob. Suddenly the room starts shrinking. It’s going to crush me.

-          Help! Help me!

I am screaming now, but still no one comes. Fear has taken over me one more time, and now, my old friend, darkness, is joining fear. I try to fight against them but it’s pointless.

-          Finnick…

I manage to whisper his name one more time before succumbing to fear and darkness.

-          Dr. what’s wrong? Why isn’t she waking up?

Finnick. The darkness is slowly fading. He is here. What happened? Why didn’t he come to me before when I needed him?

-          What’s happening? Her heart is racing!

I can tell he is worried. I want to hug him and tell him I’m fine. So I start to fight against whatever they gave me to keep me sleeping. I try moving mi hand with no success. Try something smaller I keep on trying with my fingers, my toes, my eyes. No success at all. I’m frustrated. I can hear, but I can’t move. I keep fighting with no results.

It’s been like an hour since I woke up into this nightmare. I feel Finnick right next to me. I can tell the doctor is gone now.

-          Please wake up Annie. I need you. Don’t go. You’ve made it so far. Please don’t leave me.

His voice is killing me. It’s like a plea. He sounds so vulnerable, so broken. I feel a new force in me. I start fighting against the numbness harder. He holds my hand. His touch after all this time makes every inch of my body shiver. I clinch to this new sensation and start to wake up. I move mi thumb slowly against his hand. And I hear him hold his breath. 

-          Can you hear me baby?

I make the same movement again. He squeezes my hand and gently opens it and places his check against my palm. I start to feel my arms, my legs. I try moving my toes and I can do it without any extra effort. So I try opening my eyes. Again this white light hurts me, but this time I don’t squint. I look down to my hand only to find Finn almost lying in my lap holding my hand as if it was all that was left from me. I am so happy that he is here, that we are together once more. I slowly move my free hand and place it in his head and run my fingers through his hair. I feel him go stiff for a second and he immediately turns around to face me. His eyes lock into mine and for a couple of minutes we just stare at each other.

-          Hi

I whisper, and I can see the immediate relive in his face. He smiles, and oh! How I’ve missed that smile. I smile for the first time since the reaping. He puts his arms around me, my favorite place in the world. I burry my face in his chest and start crying, he holds me even tighter.

-          It’s ok. You are safe now. We are together now.

He tried to keep me calmed. But it was just too much for me to handle. We spend the next half an hour hugging. Holding each other and realizing that it is real; that we are really together. I move over and let Finnick into the bed.

-          Are you tired?

It’s the first thing he said since my tear brake out. It’s lovely to hear his voice again. It is strong again, but there is still a hint of concern in it. I shake my head.

-          Really?

He is playful. I nod. He grabs my chin and pulls me near. We are forehead against forehead. He smells beautifully. I feel his breathing racing and the beeping machine starts beeping faster. He laughs. We are so close for the first time in so long. It felt like years to me even though it was only 2 weeks. I close my eyes savoring the moment. I suddenly hear a noise that makes me turn my attention to the corner of the room. I can hear Finnick sighting at the distance, something is wrong.

The corner starts to change. I see the arena in front of me. I’m paralyzed with fear. I can hear Finnick calling my name trying to get my attention. I know it’s not really there, I know I’m just imagining the whole thing; but it feels so real! A black shadow passes right next to me and gets lost within the arena. I can hear the screaming. I see Micah. I feel glad!  He is alive! He is staring at me. I feel a pinch in the stomach. He is about to get killed. I try to yell at him to run, to save himself. No sound comes out of my mouth. He gives me a tender smile and then his head is ripped of his body. I close my eyes and when I open them again the arena is gone. Finnick’s staring at me. I can see he is scared.

-          I… I saw… he… the… dead…

I try to explain but I´m just mumbling.

-          What?

The Victory

I hear the last canon. I'm the last one alive, that means I won. I get to go back home. But what's the price of this reward? I will never be the same girl again. I will never be able to wash the blood away. I'm stained for life. I'll never be able to forget. At least I get to go back to him. We can be together again. Kind of. Because we will never be fully together. A part of me is staying here, and the part that's returning home is damaged.
I hear the shuttle taking the last body and I can hear them announcing me as the victor. Victor of what? Victor of some stupid killing game, a game I never wanted to play, a game that brought the worst out of me, a game that just made me insane.
I hear the second shuttle coming. They are here for me. I'm going home. I'm safe.
For now.

The Training

I still can't believe what's happening. I go to bed everyday wishing to wake up in my old bedroom in District 4, far away from The Capitol, even dough I know it won't happen. I feel that time is running slower than usual, but I suppose that's part of the nightmare and the anxiety of the sudden death that none of us can avoid.
Finnick won't give up, he continues to talk to me about different ways of survival. He keeps teaching me how to fight and hunt. I can't blame him, if I was in his place I would probably be doing the same thing. The only difference is, that he actually had a chance, while I don't. But he can't know that. I promised him I would do my best to stay alive. And I will keep that promise, I'm just afraid that's not gonna be enough.
I smile at him as I walk towards my room and he starts to walk right behind me. I can't help it and I start thinking about everything I'm about to lose. All the things I will never see, and all that's going to chance.
I stop and he stops right behind me. I shiver and the crying starts. I feel my knees bending and his arms giving me support. We fall and stay hugged in the floor.
- It's ok. It's ok.
He tries to calm me but that only makes it worst. A part of me explodes and I can't stop my self from screaming. I grab my head and pull my hair screaming.
- No! No! I'ts not ok! I don't want to go! Please don't make me!
I can't finish, I'm sobbing so loud that no words come out of my mouth. Finnick holds me even harder against his chest. He stays in silence and allows me to cry and scream.
After a while I feel a little better. He helps me to get up and walks me to the bedroom. I sit in the bed and he walks toward the door, he stops and looks at me.
- I need you to promise me you'll do everything to stay alive.
I look at him. His eyes are filled with pain. I want to stop that, I can't see him suffering. I stand up and walk towards him.
- I promise.
I kiss him gently, watch him walk away, and then shut the door.

Finnick & Annie

Annie,

I’ll be back. Just as I promised. Please don’t lose faith. Be strong. No matter what happens, you have to stay alive. Could you do that for me? I can’t bare the thought of not seeing you smile again. So even if I’m dead, could you smile to me? I’ll never forget the first time I saw your green eyes. All the memories of you are keeping me strong and determined to stay alive and return to you one more time. I love you Annie, you have to know that. I can’t go without telling you. I have loved you since the beginning and I will love you till the end.

Finnick. 

Dear Finnick, 

I’m finding it hard to believe we are going through this again. The only difference is that this time is me the one who’s gonna ask you to keep strong. I want you to know that I’ll do anything to return to you the way that you returned to me. No matter what happens be strong. Smile to me, remember? I love you Finnick. 

Annie.

To Finnick,

Each day I fall apart because of the pain of not having you beside me. Nightmares keep getting worst since I don't have your hand to hold. Why did you had to be so brave? I feel like falling into pieces, yet the only thing that keeps me together is your memory. Strange how the heart works, same memory that makes me remember you're not here anymore, is the one that keeps me going day by day. I love you, I promise I'll do my best to keep my self alive so you haven't died for nothing.

Always yours,

Annie.

The Reaping

My legs shake. I think I’m about to fall, I can’t walk and the crowd keeps pushing me towards the stage. My hear beat is so loud that it covers all the other noises. I know he’s looking at me, but I can’t find his eyes. I went from being surrounded by a crowd, to being alone in a spare room so quickly I didn’t noticed. I’m sitting and I’m looking through the window, trying to understand what just happened to me. I can hear the door opening followed by my mom’s arms around me. She’s crying. She tries to say something to me, but I can’t understand her, I’m still paralyzed, without listening anything but my heart beat, without being able to say anything. Dad’s here too, he sits in silence besides me and holds us both. We stay hugged in silence until they come to get them. Mom is devastated, she keeps crying and I know she just won’t stop. She can’t manage to keep her self together and give me one more look before she leaves. I look at Dad, he leans over and kisses my forehead. 

- Be strong kiddo, we’ll see each other again. 

He says before closing the door behind him. I’m alone again. I start to think in all the things I’ll probably won’t see. Because even if I manage to come back alive, things will never be the same. 

I’m still waiting for him to come. But time goes by and he doesn’t. I star to wonder why. Finally they arrive for me to escort me to the train. I can feel my pulse rising. I’m not sure of how, but I’m on the train now. They leave me in my room, alone again. Then I hear the door and I turn around only to find those green eyes filled with the same fear that filled mine. 

- Annie

His voice is weak and sad. It’s almost a whisper. I throw my self into his arms and burst into crying. He hugs me and says nothing.