Son,
If you are reading this, it means that you are
old enough to know. I am not sure of where to start. This is important & I
need you to try to understand it’s hard for me to talk about this, but you have
to know. I never told you what happened after I went to the games. Honey, you
have to understand, it was my like at risk, & I never intended to kill
anyone. But sometimes the desire to live is so strong it can make you do things
you never thought you were capable of. The time I spent trapped in the arena was
the worst nightmare. And when I heard them announcing me as a victor, I thought
it was all over. Was I wrong! The nightmare was just starting. I couldn't
sleep, remembering all of what happened in there. At the beginning I thought it
was just temporary. Then the hallucinations began. I would faint and wake up to
see your father starting at me, scared, as if I was crazy. It didn't took me
long to figure out that I really was. My mind could not handle it. It was
simply too much for me. And I was weak. The only way to stay sane was to lose
my mind. And so I broke. I had awful memories, vivid memories of the arena and
all the ravishing things that happened there. Reliving the hell I went through
over and over again. Then I would just wake up as if nothing had happened.
Frightened and sobbing. I started to pretend that I couldn't remember what
happened. I tried to continue living. Found a way to keep up with the
nightmares. Knowing that every time that I woke your father was going to be there
to hold me. He was the strength I lacked. My condition started to became
bearable. And then he was taken.... Forced to go back into that terrifying place.
I started to get worst. My hallucinations were more frequent and there was no
one to protect me this time. Slowly I succumbed and fell into obviation. I
can't remember how or when I was taken prisoner of the Capitol. I know it
because you father told me. But I was so immersed on my surreal world that I
had no conscience about reality. One day I head that voice. The only voice able
to bring me back from down under, it was your dad. He was alive. I started to
get better. But we were on a rebellion and we both knew that when the time
came, he would have to leave. Finally the moment came, and so he left, and I
hated him for being brave. Yet I was so proud. This time he left, but he did
not come back. I.... He fought till the end. I am so proud and... Oh sweetie,
if you only had met him. If... I'm sorry... it just hurts so much. I got really
sick after your father died.... I was afraid I might lose you too...My baby
boy.... the thought of losing you too was so unbearable that it gave me the strength
I needed. You became my new shelter. I know there are times where I lock myself
up in my room. But I just don't want to be afraid of me. I don't want you to
see me frenetic and crazy. I can't....But I want to promise you that I will be
ok. I'll get well for you. I don't want to be that crazy mother I've been for
so long. Not anymore. I pro..... NO! No... Please no! Go away!!! Leave me
alone!! GO!!! STOP!!!....................
Forgive me son...
I love you.
-Mom.
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