The Victory

I hear the last canon. I'm the last one alive, that means I won. I get to go back home. But what's the price of this reward? I will never be the same girl again. I will never be able to wash the blood away. I'm stained for life. I'll never be able to forget. At least I get to go back to him. We can be together again. Kind of. Because we will never be fully together. A part of me is staying here, and the part that's returning home is damaged.
I hear the shuttle taking the last body and I can hear them announcing me as the victor. Victor of what? Victor of some stupid killing game, a game I never wanted to play, a game that brought the worst out of me, a game that just made me insane.
I hear the second shuttle coming. They are here for me. I'm going home. I'm safe.
For now.

The Training

I still can't believe what's happening. I go to bed everyday wishing to wake up in my old bedroom in District 4, far away from The Capitol, even dough I know it won't happen. I feel that time is running slower than usual, but I suppose that's part of the nightmare and the anxiety of the sudden death that none of us can avoid.
Finnick won't give up, he continues to talk to me about different ways of survival. He keeps teaching me how to fight and hunt. I can't blame him, if I was in his place I would probably be doing the same thing. The only difference is, that he actually had a chance, while I don't. But he can't know that. I promised him I would do my best to stay alive. And I will keep that promise, I'm just afraid that's not gonna be enough.
I smile at him as I walk towards my room and he starts to walk right behind me. I can't help it and I start thinking about everything I'm about to lose. All the things I will never see, and all that's going to chance.
I stop and he stops right behind me. I shiver and the crying starts. I feel my knees bending and his arms giving me support. We fall and stay hugged in the floor.
- It's ok. It's ok.
He tries to calm me but that only makes it worst. A part of me explodes and I can't stop my self from screaming. I grab my head and pull my hair screaming.
- No! No! I'ts not ok! I don't want to go! Please don't make me!
I can't finish, I'm sobbing so loud that no words come out of my mouth. Finnick holds me even harder against his chest. He stays in silence and allows me to cry and scream.
After a while I feel a little better. He helps me to get up and walks me to the bedroom. I sit in the bed and he walks toward the door, he stops and looks at me.
- I need you to promise me you'll do everything to stay alive.
I look at him. His eyes are filled with pain. I want to stop that, I can't see him suffering. I stand up and walk towards him.
- I promise.
I kiss him gently, watch him walk away, and then shut the door.

The Reaping

My legs shake. I think I’m about to fall, I can’t walk and the crowd keeps pushing me towards the stage. My hear beat is so loud that it covers all the other noises. I know he’s looking at me, but I can’t find his eyes. I went from being surrounded by a crowd, to being alone in a spare room so quickly I didn’t noticed. I’m sitting and I’m looking through the window, trying to understand what just happened to me. I can hear the door opening followed by my mom’s arms around me. She’s crying. She tries to say something to me, but I can’t understand her, I’m still paralyzed, without listening anything but my heart beat, without being able to say anything. Dad’s here too, he sits in silence besides me and holds us both. We stay hugged in silence until they come to get them. Mom is devastated, she keeps crying and I know she just won’t stop. She can’t manage to keep her self together and give me one more look before she leaves. I look at Dad, he leans over and kisses my forehead. 

- Be strong kiddo, we’ll see each other again. 

He says before closing the door behind him. I’m alone again. I start to think in all the things I’ll probably won’t see. Because even if I manage to come back alive, things will never be the same. 

I’m still waiting for him to come. But time goes by and he doesn’t. I star to wonder why. Finally they arrive for me to escort me to the train. I can feel my pulse rising. I’m not sure of how, but I’m on the train now. They leave me in my room, alone again. Then I hear the door and I turn around only to find those green eyes filled with the same fear that filled mine. 

- Annie

His voice is weak and sad. It’s almost a whisper. I throw my self into his arms and burst into crying. He hugs me and says nothing.